Let's not go into too much detail about why people get divorced, obviously every couple is different. But have you ever thought about what if you just don't get married?
When I was younger, maybe about 10 years ago, I thought the idea of marriage was rather stupid. I thought it was something that society has forced onto us because it was the 'norm'; it is what is expected of us. Now, approaching the good ol' 30's mark in my life, the thought of getting married no longer seemed 'stupid'. I guess like everyone else, I do not want to be alone. So, because they don't want to be alone, a lot of people chose to get married to someone they do not love, for the sake of getting married. There's also the stigma of not marrying, people will start to judge and question if there's something wrong with you. I find the idea of being in a loveless marriage lonelier than actually being alone, but that's just me.
I used to work with a lady who never got married or had any serious relationships; she was in her 50's and just simply did not give a damn. Her spare time is filled with yoga classes, mahjong nights and social outings; she was one of the happiest people I know. So I guess it is possible to be alone and happy, or at least I'd like to believe she is actually happy.
Love makes us blind, deaf and stupid. We willingly hand over our hearts, when it gets crushed, some of us learn to move on and some of us don't. All is fair in love and war, right? Wrong! Love is never fair, there will always be one person who is in deeper than the other.
There are also those people who seem to be stuck in the same pattern when it comes to relationships, every time a relationship ends they blame everything and everyone else except for themselves. Too many times I've heard girls say "why can't he be more caring? Why can't he do xx or xx for me??" Well, if you don't tell him what you want how would you expect him to do it? He can't read your mind for one. I know a lot of girls who also have this mindset of "because I'm a girl so he has to do all the work to please me and make all the moves", please, it's the 21st century, girls can make the first moves too now.
Physical attraction is important but it will fade, when the initial excitement of a new relationship is gone that's when the problems start. The happiest couples are the ones who see each other as their best friend first and then lovers, it's them against the world, they've got each other's back no matter what.
Relationships are important life lessons, most importantly you learn something about yourself every time. When I became single last year, I made a mental list of the kind of guy I was going to be with from then on: smart, handsome, charming, good job, caring etc. The kind of guy that every girl wants essentially. Funny enough, someone like that did come along and I'd be lying if I said I was not tempted. He ticked all the boxes and we had a lot of fun together. But gut instincts told me not to trust him and I think I only hung around because he met my expectations. Then I realised, I don't actually like him. Just goes to prove that you can have all the criteria you want, but you can't choose who you fall in love with. I know a lot of girls would think I'm extremely stupid but thinking back on it now, he was all sweet talk and compliments but never actually did what he promised. Life sets these lessons out for you but whether you learn anything from it well, that's up to you.
Sometimes the right one for you is not someone who says they love you out loud but the ones who show you that they do. It might be things like giving you their jacket when it's cold or letting you have the last piece of food every time. But these things, as insignificant as they are, say they love you more than anything. The most romantic thing I've heard was not "I'll die without you" or "I'll love you to the moon and back" but rather "I'll try my hardest to give you the life you want now that I have you".
Love doesn't always have to have fireworks and intensity, sometimes just having them there is enough. People get hurt but they dust themselves off and try again, I believe that finding true love is worth the effort no matter how grim it might seem at first. It takes a lot of courage to make yourself vulnerable to another person. While it's understandable why some people might choose to be alone for the rest of their lives, sometimes when we stop looking, the right one just happens to appear. Perhaps that's what makes life so beautiful.
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